The other day I lost a friend and fuck bud because of gossip. He heard some bad rapport and let me know we were done.

I know, I know. I should want fuck buds and friends who don’t listen to the hype, who form their own opinions. Everyone should. Still, it hurts.

It makes me realize what I’m up against. I’m one guy versus the vox populi. I can say I don’t care, but it’s a lie. I do care. I want to be liked.

We live in a web (a community web, a social web, a Worldwide Web) and there, in the dark center, is me. That’s how I view my life. Picture the social world from overhead. Everyone is a glowing circle on the map. Think of that orange, sonar-like halo around everyone, searching for others nearby like sonar.

There’s a big circle outside of me, my circle of influence. It includes everyone I know, everyone I’ve fucked, everyone I’ve worked with. Everyone around me, too, has circles of influence around them. These circles overlap. Many of us know the same people.

Some people, the movers and shakers, the politicians, the publicly-elected, have big circles of influence. The stars, the money-backers, the organizers. They know a lot of people who know a lot of people. Some of their decisions affect of a lot of people. The executives, the billionaires, the presidents. Most of the smaller circles — us little people — exist inside these huge ones. We are clusters of tiny dots spread across their godlike halos. Imagine how many people live in the circle of influence of the President of the United States.

Let’s group people. A conservative god would lump me into that fringe circle, dungeon boys and drag queens, punks and porn stars, while the placid members of society (doctors, lawyers, business owners) are grouped on that crisp upper corner, solid and stable.


We live in a world of non-physical human connection. It doesn’t pay to hate the indirect ways we communicate and understand one another. It doesn’t pay to hate the gossip.

“Lovelines” is an online work by Harris that catalogues human desire. The header image is from “We Feel Fine,” Harris’ most famous digital work on mapping human feelings. Check it out:

The network is good too. Never forget that. Gay men survive by the web, and by the Web. Our communities, our frindge demographics, benefit from the plethora of linkages that have been fostered by the Internet. Gay speak (and the culture we practice) lives in gossip. And now that gossip lives online.

I’m pro-app, pro-Grindr, pro-Tumblr, and all these platforms that have suddenly allowed queer, kinky people to connect to each other. Sure, there’s a lot to hate, and so many people exert so much energy hating the social web. But there’s much to be gained from it if you accept the fact that, for better or worse, humans are more interconnected now than ever before.

More information is being shared now than ever in our species’ history, and at lightning speed. New folks are discovering BDSM with the click of a button. Gaybies are discovering strength and inspiration from out queer people on the Internet rather than living their lives in a cruel, tech-free isolation. We must celebrate the new world order, because it empowerers the nobodies. The little guys. The freaks. Us.

If you hate the town talk, you can even attempt to live your life without drawing attention to yourself, but where’s the fun in that?

BTW all the rumors are true.


Writer, blogger, illustrator, kinkster.

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