It’s that time of year that designers release the same looks they did last year. All the same canvas nonsense will appear like clockwork. We’ll see the annual surge of pastels.

How many times have we seen summer shoes like this? These, from Zara, are listed in one of GQ's lists of inexpensive summer clothes. Click on the image to browse it.

How many times have we seen summer shoes like this? These, from Zara, are listed in one of GQ’s lists of inexpensive summer clothes. Click on the image to browse it.

Women’s perfume smells again like coconut. Parents with small kids go to Disney World. You will be pushed to slim down, wear chinos, drink summer whiskies, and show some ankle.

Resist. No one wants a white polyester football jersey with reflective panels and some random numbers on it unless you’re gay and en route to a circuit party.

No one needs a tank top covered in pot leaves. Ever. And if you’re tempted to buy something covered entirely in cats, don’t.

If you make the right purchases, you can buy clothes this summer that look chic all year round.

These full-blown floral shirts have made a crazy surge in popularity. I haven't jumped on this yet but don't mind it. This is a summer shirt that works year round. Topshop, £25.

These full-blown floral shirts have made a crazy surge in popularity. I haven’t jumped on this trend yet but don’t mind it. This is a summer shirt that works year round. Topshop, £25.

This means filling your closet with neutrals and earth tones, keeping loud pops of color to accent pieces, and spending money on clothes that will hold up. I don’t want to push my brands on you, but steer clear of H&M and Old Navy. Their clothes simply don’t last, and aren’t designed to.

Summer seems to be the time when the rest of the country tries to emulate life in SoCal, including what Hollister describes as a “laid back, West Coast vibe.” The Hollister brand has absolutely no connection whatsoever with the town of Hollister, California. It was not founded there, has no backstory there, and is entirely a teenage marketing ploy from the owners at A&F corporate.

About that fantasy beach date. If you live close to the beach, beach dates are great. When it comes to dates, keep it simple. Lumbersexuals say to get creative: exploring junkyards or watching airplanes take off. These might work for some guys, but simple dates with confident, interesting people are far more impressive than unique dates with people who pat their own backs for cleverness. If you have the confidence and chemistry, going through the drive-through at McDonald’s can be insanely romantic.

Men, this is important. If there’s one thing you don’t need this summer, it’s tank tops. This is because you already have too many, when you probably shouldn’t.

If you live close to the equator or in Santa Monica, you get a pass, but if you’re an urbanite, tank tops are nighttime club wear for gay men, Scandinavian straight guys into EDM, and something the rest of us should only wear to the gym.

On to headwear. I’ve always admired the men that can pull off straw hats. From fedoras to wider-brimmed fisherman hats, these hats were classic menswear long before you were born. Blonde guys and guys that actually fish are automatically better at pulling these off. If you need a quick run-through of hat types, here is a helpful list.

Don’t buy those hideous neon sunglasses everywhere. Save the neon green Ray Ban knockoffs for high school kids on summer break.

The most necessary component this summer is the one you can’t buy — confidence. Confidence might not win you a date, or even a hookup, but it helps. Confidence is sexy. We are drawn to it. We sniff it out, cling to it, and follow it around.

Confidence is not contingent on who has the trimmest abs, biggest arms, or best looks. Confidence has nothing to do with money or status or body. Confidence is confidence, the ability to give no fucks, the ability to stay committed to yourself, your colors, your rules, and your style, regardless what some idiot with a blog writes. If you wear it, they will come.

Beastly

Writer, blogger, illustrator, kinkster.

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