(Above: Check out photographer Matt Lambert’s dark, terrified, erotic look at Berlin queer culture here.)

A friend recently made a suggestion: “You should review sex toys.” We were talking about butt plugs at the time, and about bottoming and all the misconceptions about it. 

Many hetero people mistakenly believe that gay pairings consist of one guy playing “the man” and the other guy playing “the woman.” They think “the man” is always the top, or the inserting sexual partner, and the other guy is always “the bottom.”
This is false. It might come as a surprise to some that gay relationships actually don’t involve any male-female dynamic at all — because they are comprised of men. If anything, it’s a little insulting to have hetero-dynamics projected onto relationships that exist completely and wholly outside of heterosexuality.

But what if you are a total bottom? What if you are a total top? Neither of these roles make you the “man” or the “woman” in the relationship — they just describe what you like to do in bed. Furthermore, one’s sexual role does not determine their respective degree of masculinity or femininity, or their preference for dominance or submission. There are femme dominant tops out there and masculine submissive bottoms, and there are gender-nonconforming gay men who are versatile, and there are gay relationships out there that, for whatever reason, exist without sex at all. There are no rules to gay relationships, no requirements they must meet. 

My friend was struggling with all of that information. His gay life was just beginning. He said, “I’m excited and I want to explore, but I don’t know what stuff to get.”

I didn’t know there was a starter kit for gay sex, but I took his suggestion and compiled a list of products that I recommend for him and anyone starting their magical journey. Here are the Six Essential Gay Sex Supplies for Beginners.

The header photo and above photo are (c) Berlin/NYC photographer Matt Lambert: cargocollective.com/dielamb

The header photo and above photo are from Berlin/NYC photographer Matt Lambert: cargocollective.com/dielamb

Note: this list is not just for bottoms or tops, but for anyone who is new and ready to explore. All product reviews are based solely on my own experience. I’m not being bought or bribed by any company, and no one cares enough about my opinion to pay me. 

1. Pjur BACK DOOR Relaxing Silicone Anal Glide

19,95 € Click on the image to go straight to the Pjur website.

19,95 €
Click on the image to go straight to the Pjur website.

For starters, you need lube. Unlike the vagina, the ass does not produce its own lube. Taking a dick will hurt without it.

Some piggy guys steer clear of lube and enjoy the ruggedness of just using spit. When you’ve had years of bottoming experience and can relax your ass muscles on command, spit is fine. You’ll just have to keep salivating and keep lubing things up.

However, if you want to go hard and for a long time, Pjur BACK DOOR is the best stuff imaginable. After lubing up once — and a little goes a long way — you will be able to fuck for hours. Pjur is a German company that makes great lube, and this is the best anal lube I’ve used.

Silicone-based lube is more slippery than water-based. Even after washing it off, your privates will feel slick for a day or so. It stains sheets and lingers on door handles and shower knobs. Wash your lube-covered hands off with soap and water before touching everything in your bedroom/bathroom or you’ll feel the slick residue for days after.

2. Lifestyles SKYN Large condoms

You can find these on Amazon cheaper than you can at CVS. If you can't find them, check your local sex store.

You can find these on Amazon cheaper than you can at CVS. If you can’t find them, check your local sex store.

Latex allergies suck, but SKYN saves the day. Most non-latex condoms don’t come in extra-large size. Thankfully, Lifestyles’ non-latex brand, SKYN, recently released an extra-large version made out of polyisoprene, a non-latex material that is just as effective as latex at preventing STDs.

I recommend these condoms even if you don’t have a latex allergy. SKYN condoms are known to feel as close to the uncovered thing as you can get without going bareback — which, I won’t lie, is my most preferred way to fuck. Go raw at your own risk.

3. Mr. S Leather Tri-Color Racer Harness

$195.95, mr-s-leather.com Click on the image to visit the hot-as-fuck Mr. S online store.

$195.95, mr-s-leather.com
Click on the image to visit the Mr. S online store.

This is for all you guys interested in leather. It may not immediately seem like a sex product, but put it on and you’ll feel otherwise. Mr. S Leather makes the best harnesses in the world. Yes, they have a killer website, but you should make a vacation of it, and traipse down to the Mr. S Leather store in San Francisco’s South of Market district and pick one out in person. They’ll be able to fit it to your size, and you will walk out with a high-quality harness that will last for years. Gay men all over the world make pilgrimmages to Mr. S for their leather needs.

Mr. S released three versions of the Tri-Color Racer harnesses. Mine is the White, Yellow, and Blue version (which is not viewable on their website, only at the store). It’s a sporty harness, perfect for jock pups, sports gear fetish guys, and motocross dudes. It’s also my first harness. I chose it because it’s simple. I think you should start basic and work your way up.

4. COLT Red & Black Anal Douche

$19.95, coltstudiostore.com

$19.95, coltstudiostore.com

COLT Studios is one of the oldest companies to celebrate hot guys and gay sex. They release some of the best porn, feature the sexiest men (like Brian Maier — hi, Brian!), and produce great anal toys. They also make quite a few douches that range in price from $19 to $70.

The Red & Black is on the cheaper side of that scale, and it’s my go-to douche. It won’t do the job as quickly and easily as a simple shower hose with an anal-suited attachment will (and COLT makes one), but it’s transportable. And when you’re at a stranger’s house, you don’t want to ask for a wrench in order to unscrew their shower head.

5. FORT TROFF Raw Dawg

There is no picture of this item that isn't NSFW, and this blog has never aimed to be something you can't open at work without worrying if someone from the next cubicle over is going to peek at your screen. Click on this darling image of Christ to visit the very NSFW Fort Troff website. The Raw Dawg XL is $59.90, forttroff.com

There are no good pictures of this item, and I try to not be purely pornographic (although sometimes this is unavoidable). Click on the above image to see the NSFW photo of the NSFW item at the very NSFW Fort Troff website.
The Raw Dawg XL is $59.90, forttroff.com

Once you get into the swing of things, you should try something more intense. Fort Troff has discontinued the regular size Raw Dawg, and I fear the XL is soon going to disappear, so get it now. (Added bonus: the XL is apparently good for fingering and fisting.)

There’s no way to describe this item, so I’ll simply direct you to the site, where their hot porn videos depicting their toys being put to use are all you need. I will simply say that it’s a butt plug, cock sheath, cock extender, and jack-off tool all in one.

If they’ve discontinued all versions of the Raw Dawg by the time you read this, don’t fret. I recommend everything from Fort Troff. The site has an endless and constantly-updating list of the highest quality sex toys on the market, and its advertising is brilliant: they shoot hot porn that incorporates their products.

As you will see, Fort Troff focuses on fetish, pig sex, and sporty circuit play. You can find toys on this site that you can’t find anywhere else, so it’s worth the extra money you’ll spend here versus your local novelty store.

[Author’s Note: Over two years after writing this, I became an employee of Fort Troff. I was not employed by FT at the time this was written, nor was this post involved in my hiring. Quite honestly I forgot about it.]

6. Duct Tape

duct tape

When it comes to kink, you don’t have to spend lots of money for top-of-the-line rope or professional nipple clamps. Spend money on dildos and plugs, if you’re into those, but remember that a rough top and some skilled fingers (with the nails trimmed down) will always beat anything you can buy in a box.

Getting kinky isn’t about the quality of supplies you have in your toychest (and kink supplies get very expensive), because the most expert dominators will tell you that all the nice restraints in the world won’t make someone submissive. And all the luxury ball gags in the world will never make you feel as gagged and powerless as good, old fashioned duct tape.

Now, as you should know by now, duct tape hurts. It rips out hair and pretty much everything else, so if you’re very hairy, I’d go for some form of electrical tape (the “bondage tape” at your local novelty store is essentially the same thing) or vet wrap. 

Vet wrap works beautifully for bondage but doesn’t breathe well, so don’t use too many layers or wrap it too tightly. I’ve had nearly my whole head wrapped in vet wrap before. It was fine at first, but it quickly became too hot.

Soft rope can be found at hardware stores, neckties are a classic tool for tying someone’s hands, and the best fisters in the world know that a jar of Crisco, which costs less than ten dollars at your local supermarket, is the best stuff to use to stretch open a guy’s ass. In fact, expensive fisting lubes all pretty much try to copy Crisco. Some add a nice relaxing chemical here or a nice scent there, but they’re all essentially variations of the cheap stuff that has been a staple of leather dungeons since the ’60s.

If you’re interested in kink, start off with wearing a blindfold, or putting a blindfold on someone else, during the pre-sex foreplay. If that’s enjoyable for both parties, add a thin strip of duct tape over the mouth next time, and maybe some light ass-slapping. If that rocks both your socks, you are kinksters, and you should start looking to other websites for more information on how to begin your fetish play.

Well, there you have it. That’s the best I got for anyone starting off. If you have any suggestions or would like to recommend any products, shoot me a message in my email. Keep an open mind and a non-judgmental attitude. Explore your body safely and shamelessly, and remember that if God exists, you’re totally fucked.

— Beastly

Writer, blogger, illustrator, kinkster.

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