I read a few of your articles. I’m a straight guy with a submissive side. I’ve fantasized about bottoming to a strong Dominant black man since I was a teen and watched interracial hetero anal porn. I wanted to know what if felt like to be the girl in the vids. I’m much older now and I’m putting serious thought into trying a D/s LTR with a gay Dom, provided I can find one who is interested in me. I’m not into casual sex at all. Exploring submission on more then one level really interests me. I also like the idea of commitment and putting the needs of your partner above your own. Kinda like the 1950s type of marriage. Commit yourself to your partner and then learn how to make things work with him. Do you think a straight guy can make a good bottom and sub for a gay Dom? I don’t want to do it, if it’s not good for the Dom.
The definition of gay is a man who has a sexual or romantic attraction for other men, so you may not be straight, friend. Why is it necessary to define your sexual orientation here? Is being straight part of the fantasy? Is it hotter for you to imagine this dominant/submissive relationship with you as a heterosexual? By imagining it, you’re rather negating your own claim of heterosexuality, but if that’s part of the fantasy, fine, you can be “straight.”
Truthfully, you can call yourself whatever you want. It truly doesn’t matter. You may truly be straight, or bisexual. But you’re a straight man who wants to get fucked in the ass, dominated, and ordered around by a black male dominant who is with you in a long-term, committed relationship — one that feels to you like a “1950s type of marriage.”
At that moment — when his cock is slamming in your hole and you’re gritting your teeth and taking it like a champ and moaning because it feels so good and you can’t believe he’s pulling out all eleven inches out of your sloppy used cunt before slamming them back in while he slaps you across the face like the sub fag bitch you are — you’re having gay sex. Very, very gay sex. At that moment you are, for all purposes, a homo.
And that fact will not remove your power, your worth, or your ability to do awesome stuff, sexually and otherwise. That fact doesn’t take away the legitimacy of your kinky desires, the intensity of your fantasies, or the authenticity of your kink. It makes you no less of a person than me, the man who you’re asking for advice.
The only thing it does sort of chip away at is your self-description as a straight man, and again, even this is up for debate. All I’m saying is, if you’re afraid of self-identifying as someone who isn’t straight, don’t be. In my best sex, I am a bent over, cock-loving fag. And when those eleven inches drill me like the sub fag bitch I am, I am always half-tempted to utter a prayer of thanks for my good fortune, for there is nothing else I’d rather be.
I can spot closeted self-denial when I see it. I can also spot self-imposed role play, like “straight white jock gets pounded by sadistic black dom.” I can’t be sure which one you’re exhibiting, so I’m going to leave that part of your question alone now and let you identify as you choose.
In the short term, you will have an easier time finding the black dom you’re looking for if you allow yourself to hunt in gay spaces, both digital and otherwise. I’d encourage you to set up a profile on all-male sex websites like Scruff and Recon, where you will, at the very least, appear gay by being on them. You have to be OK with that. You have to accept that guys like me will view you as “straight,” with a wink, if you want to find your dom.
He’s going to be hunting where he knows he can find a willing sub, and that’s not at a straight bar. He’s going to be looking on gay male sex sites. The guys he is looking for may call themselves “straight” as part of the fantasy (or, even better for him, with a note of seriousness) but in his sling, they’re going to call themselves Daddy’s Obedient Fuck Hole.
Do I think a straight guy can be a good, obedient sub for a gay black dom? Yes. But I also think that, in time, you may find that it’s healthier and more honest to rethink and redefine your label as a straight man. You don’t have to call yourself anything in order to get your dom. If he wants to bang you, he’ll call you whatever he wants, with little concern for what you call yourself. But the fact is, there’s more to being non-straight than what you do sexually. If you’re not straight (and I do not believe that you are), there is a culture of awesome, kinky, incredible people out there who you deserve to experience. They’re your people, and you belong with them, and they can teach you more about yourself than you ever knew was there. I want that for you.
I hope you someday see my people, our culture, and our many labels (all free to try on for size) stretching before you as a dirty, awesome playground — a family to which you may legitimately belong.
Good luck, my brother.