Why is sex so important? I am a 53 year old virgin and don’t miss something I have never had.

As a 25-year-old, I can’t tell you what to find important. 

No teacher is greater than experience, and you have 53 years of experience avoiding sex—no small accomplishment, considering the fact that you can’t turn on a daytime soap opera without seeing a love scene. 

Everything everywhere tells us to fuck. Every cologne ad tells us the message that we should be having sex (not too much, not too often, but definitely doing it).

I won’t go into the double standard of sexual advertising (you’re supposed to want sex, but after enjoying a certain amount, you’ve had “too much” and are a considered a slut, whore, etc.) but I can say that we live in a world in which you cannot live without encountering the idea that sex is something lots of people enjoy. And they do. There are many massive, lucrative industries that exist because most people fuck.

I assume we’re talking about gay sex here, not sex in general, which is a bit more believable. There have been many sexless queer people who lived lifetimes in the closet, but their plight is increasingly less common and less justifiable in a world like ours. If you’ve avoided gay sex for 53 years because you’re in the closet, it’s time to come out. Now. 

If you’ve avoided all sex—gay, straight, kinky, vanilla, all of it—then you either have social or religious reasons for doing so that I don’t know about, or you might be asexual. Asexuality is an emerging identity we are only beginning to understand. Asexuals do not feel human sexuality and connect to people in other ways.  

There’s a lot of information left out of your question. Why, exactly, have you avoided it? Some people can’t have sex, or choose not to, because of certain health conditions. Others experience trauma and swear it off. There’s a million reasons why people don’t have sex, but these reasons are arrived at consciously.

Here’s what I can tell you: Sex is very important to me. If you’ve read my work, you know this is true, so you can probably guess that I would encourage you to experience sex as soon as you can. Sex is one of the most beautiful things in my life. 

But here’s where I’m going to make an important distinction in my work. I encourage people to do what they want to do—whether that’s sex or BDSM or making balloon animals. I don’t encourage people to do things they don’t want to do. I give people that extra push. When so many religious institutions and parents and teachers tell people “You’re wrong,” and “You’re not allowed to get tied up and gang-banged by fifty people,” I tell people, “No, your church is wrong. You’re right. You’re totally free to do what you want.”

If you don’t want sex, I’m not going to tell you, “Go get laid.” If you’ve avoided sex for 53 years and have reasons for doing so, I’m not going to tell you to discard your reasons. I’m not going to tell you to suddenly find sex important. 

The problem, of course, is that regardless what your reasons are, how do you know for sure? It’s easy to say “I don’t like bagels” or “I can’t have bagels” when you’ve never tried a bagel.

My point is that you should try having sex, and try having it more than once, before deciding it’s not important to you. 

This needs to be said: Sex isn’t a bagel. Sex is this awesome, life-affirming, lifelong journey for many, many people. Fulfilling, mind-blowing sex is something people spend their lives chasing. Many people consider good sex among their greatest memories.

That’s a lot more than enjoying a bagel. That’s a potentially huge, wonderful experience that many people love—one you’re missing out on.

I can’t tell you what to value, but I do think you should experience sex. You should give yourself experience to help you decide what you want. Experience is the greatest teacher, and you have no experience in the sex department. You’re refusing something you don’t know anything about. 

When you’re ready to give it a try, message me again, and we’ll switch from “why” to “how.”

How to experience sex for the first time. How to learn. That’s where the fun starts.

— Beastly





Writer, blogger, illustrator, kinkster.

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