Why Is Sex Important?

Anonymous Question:

Why is sex so important? I am a 53 year old virgin and don’t miss something I have never had.


As a 25-year-old, I can’t tell you what you should think is important. No teacher is greater than experience, and you have 53 years of experience avoiding sex — no small accomplishment in this hypersexual world we live in. If your experience tells you sex is unimportant, then maybe your experience is worth trusting. 

I don’t know if you’ve avoided sex due to some religious reason, in which case I can’t help you. It’s not my prerogative to dissuade anyone from their beliefs. If there are medical or social reasons why you’ve avoided sex, again, I don’t know about them, so I can’t address them. If you’re capable of sex and not morally opposed to it — if you have simply refrained from experiencing it — then you may be asexual. Asexuality is an emerging identity we are only beginning to understand. Asexuals do not feel human sexuality and connect to people in other ways. Asexuals often experience romantic connections with people but are simply not interested in sexual connections. 

There’s simply a lot of information missing your question. Why, exactly, have you avoided it? Some people can’t have sex, or choose not to, because of certain health conditions. Others experience trauma and swear it off. There are a million reasons why people choose to not have sex. I don’t know yours.

Here’s what I can say: Sex is very important to me. If you’ve read my work, you know this already. You may assume that I would encourage you to experience sex as soon as you can. 

I’m going to make an important distinction in my work: I encourage people to do what they want to do, whether that’s sex or BDSM or making balloon animals. I don’t encourage people to do things they don’t want to do. When so many religious institutions villainize people and tell them they’re wrong or sick for wanting the things they want, I work to be the antithesis, the voice that tells people they are completely free, and that they should enjoy the things they want to enjoy without fear or apology. But you don’t seem to want sex, so why would I tell you to seek it? 

The problem, of course, is that no matter what your reasons are, how do you know for sure? It’s easy to say “I don’t like bagels” or “I can’t have bagels” when you’ve never tried a bagel. My point is that you’re saying no to something you’ve never experienced, and it would be a shame to be saying no (for 53 years) to something you may really enjoy. Sex is one of the most important and exciting parts of my life. How do you know it won’t be the same for you? 

Also, this needs to be said: Sex isn’t a bagel. Sex is something that connects people all over the world, inspires great art and great literature, has built and eroded nations, and is one of the highlights of the human experience (at least in my opinion). Global cultures exist and orient around sex, and many people all over the world consider it the greatest part of their lives. Refusing bagels is one thing, but refusing all of that is something else. That’s a potentially life-changing and massive experience you’re missing out on. 

I can’t tell you what to value, but I do think you should experience sex. Experience is the greatest teacher, and you have no experience in sex. You’re refusing something you know nothing about. 

— Beastly





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