I think I had the notion I was into bondage as a kid watching the Dukes of Hazard or Batman getting tied up or in some state of peril. I ignored those feelings I would get seeing them for a while until I got to college recently and started lightly exploring bondage type things during hook ups.

I’ve noticed from some of your articles on the advocate that you like gags. I find myself being turned on by the looks of them but not knowing how to introduce it into play. It seems weird but I feel much more embarrassed asking a guy if I can gag him than I do enquiring if they want to be tied up.

What do you suggest as far as introducing it into play? And if you have any other helpful pointers like the ones you prefer using and how you got into them.

🙂

I first noticed my bondage fetish with Batman too. Specifically Joel Schumacher’s bad Batman Forever in 1995. Chris O’Donnell in the role of Robin was my first Hollywood crush.

In the movie’s Schumacher-esque climax, Robin is tied and gagged with duct tape. The idea that he got kidnapped by Jim Carrey/Riddler and Tommy Lee Jones/Two-Face is a little unbelievable, but the only reason I watched the movie was to see him squirm and make muffled noises with his mouth taped up for a few seconds.

The young protagonist of Dunston Checks In (1996) gets tied and gagged in a bathtub. The villain (an effete Rupert Everett) pulls open a strip of Duct tape and puts it on the boy’s mouth. The kid squirmed and mmm mmmm‘d. It did things to me.

At the time, I didn’t understand the feeling but I knew I was responding to it differently than the scene was intended. I wanted to be gagged by Rupert Everett too. I wanted my friends to wrestle me on the playground, clamp their hands over my mouth, and force me to endure unspeakable forms of degradation at their merciless preteen hands.

I softly suggested this a couple times on the playground (“Hey, what if you guys…”) and once, at a pool party, I convinced them to tie my hands behind my back with balloon ribbon.

Leonardo DiCaprio got handcuffed to a pole in Titanic in 1997. No gag, sadly, but the scene made me so flustered that I had to leave the room. I watched it with our babysitter and my parents and I remember running out “because I had to pee.” I wan’t masturbating because I didn’t know that’s what I wanted to do.

If I dig through my memory, my first trigger was Captain John Smith in Disney’s 1995 animated Pocahontas. Smith gets captured and tied to a pole in a tent in Pocahontas’ village. After that, I don’t know how many stuffed animals I tied up — with tape, with my mother’s bathrobe tie, with kite string — until, I later learned, my parents asked a child psychiatrist if this was normal. Adopted kids are prone to erratic behaviors as young children and I did many of the classic ones. I wonder if the shrink they asked just chalked it up to that.

Kink and BDSM were always with me, even before I knew I was gay. Over time, other characters came and went from the daydream. Robin was tying my hands behind the pole in Pocahontas’ tent. Batman had me taped up and squirming in a bathtub. I never thought I’d do anything with this daydream because I didn’t know what there was to do. Then in college I met a man two blocks away who tied me up for the first time, and my life was changed.

I’m betting all this all sounds pretty familiar, except in your fantasy, you gag guys and enjoy their muffled sounds. If you’re talking to guys about bondage, they’ll likely be game for gagging. These fetishes typically go together.

First, research what gags you think are hot and produce the sexy sound you like. Different gags serve different purposes. Some keep the mouth open for dominants who like making their subs a drooling mess. Others (the ones I like) fill your mouth and restrict talking, like oversized pacifiers you slobber on. Other gags are less effective at restricting talking but have strong visual appeal, like ball gags and rubber horse bits. My jaw was sore for a week after gritting my teeth on a rubber-coated horse bit at MAL (Mid-Atlantic Leather) last year. I bit down on it too hard for an hour or so while a guy fisted me.

I personally love head harnesses with built-in gags. Inflatable gags let you inflate a bulb inside the mouth with a hand pump. These are insanely hot and completely restrict talking, but don’t inflate to the point that it’s (too) painful for your sub.

Nothing beats classic Duct tape, which looks hot and hurts when you rip it off — a nice sadistic element. But it’s not an option for someone with very much facial hair. Ouch.

Buy your favorites. If you want to gag the fag, you supply the gag. Sterilize it between uses (or clean it as thoroughly as you can without damaging the material).

Tell guys you’re into gagging. That’s it. If you’re training a submissive and you’ve already had some negotiation, no need to ask. Over-negotiation can ruin organic play. Throw on a gag once he’s tied up and see how he responds.

There is no need or sense in feeling weird about what you like. My fetishes came from Disney and Batman, and nothing bad can come from that.

Beastly 

Writer, blogger, illustrator, kinkster.

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