Why Your Gag Fetish Feels Strange

Above: Image compliments of the incomparable London Rope Top — londonropetop.tumblr.com.

Anonymous Question:

I think I had the notion I was into bondage as a kid watching the Dukes of Hazard or Batman getting tied up or in some state of peril. I ignored those feelings I would get seeing them for a while until I got to college recently and started lightly exploring bondage type things during hook ups.

I’ve noticed from some of your articles on the advocate that you like gags. I find myself being turned on by the looks of them but not knowing how to introduce it into play. It seems weird but I feel much more embarrassed asking a guy if I can gag him than I do enquiring if they want to be tied up.

What do you suggest as far as introducing it into play? And if you have any other helpful pointers like the ones you prefer using and how you got into them.

 

I first noticed my major gag fetish with Batman too. Specifically, Joel Schumacher’s Batman Forever in 1995. Chris O’Donnell in the role of Robin was my first Hollywood crush. In the film’s very Schumacher-esque climax, Robin is tied up and gagged with duct tape. I remember rewinding over those few minutes of him squirming and the second or two of that muffled “mmm mmm” sound he was making over and over, and not knowing why.

The young protagonist of Dunston Checks In (1996) gets tied and gagged in a bathtub. The villain (an effete Rupert Everett) pulls open a strip of Duct tape and puts it over the boy’s mouth. The kid squirmed and mmm mmmm‘d too, and I remember I could barely watch that scene, it made such an impression on me.

At the time, I did not understand what I was feeling, but I knew I was responding to these scenes differently than they were intended. These were children’s movies. Later, I wanted my friends to wrestle me on the playground and clamp their hands over my mouth. Once, at a pool party, I convinced the other kids to tie my hands behind my back with green balloon ribbon.

Leonardo DiCaprio got handcuffed to a pole in Titanic in 1997. No gag, sadly, but the scene made me so flustered that I had to leave the room. I watched the movie with our babysitter and I remember running out “because I had to pee.” I wasn’t masturbating because I didn’t know that’s what I wanted to do.

My very first trigger was Captain John Smith in Disney’s 1995 Pocahontas. Smith gets captured and tied to a pole in a tent in Pocahontas’ village. After that, I don’t know how many stuffed animals I tied up — with tape, with my mother’s bathrobe tie — until, I later learned, my parents asked a child psychiatrist if all this was normal. Adopted kids are prone to erratic behaviors and I did many of the classic ones.

My kinks were always with me, just as it seems they were always with you. As for me, they probably existed before you had a word for your sexual orientation, years before you had any language to define what all this is. Kinks come from childhood, and one reason why you might have a difficult, maybe even embarrassing time introducing your deepest kinks into play is because they are the deeper, more intense, more illicit activities that come from a heavier place. You probably feel a little childish embarrassment over them, as I feel about my deepest kinks. It can be frightening to reveal such a deeply-held turn-on to someone who may not be into it — or worse, someone who may laugh at it.

If you’re talking to guys about bondage, chances are higher that they’ll go for gagging, since bondage and gags easily go together, and getting tied up and gagged is an easy-to-understand scenario even for novice kinksters. If you’re looking to just use gags without the additional accouterments of bondage (cuffs, rope, etc.), we have less context for that, and that’s less common so it might seem strange to people. Knowing that, there are a million kinks and fetishes out there, some of them very niche and obscure, so your only course is to hunt and find other people who are specifically into a gag fetish — the same course of action that people into niche, even stigmatized fetishes like scat play and diaper play have to do.

There countless different kinds of gags out there: ball gags, bits, butterfly gags, head harnesses, inflatable gags, muzzles, ring gags, and so on. Most gags perform one of three options: filling the mouth, sealing the mouth shut, or keeping the mouth open (for people who like watching their subs drool, and who may want to stick other things in an open mouth, like a penis). I don’t love open-mouth gags. I like things clamped over my mouth and sometimes stuffed in my mouth, so I love head harnesses, muzzles, and inflatable gags. Ball gags do nothing for me. But more than all these, I love good, classic duct tape — or better yet, vet wrap (also called bandage wrap), which makes a great gag or blindfold without ripping up all your hair or leaving that nasty residue duct tape leaves on the skin. If you’re looking for a good go-to, all-purpose gag material (that doubles as an excellent blindfold), go with vet wrap. It’s cheap and you can buy it in bulk on Amazon.

I know you may want to strip the weird feelings and embarrassment out of introducing the fetishes that turn you on into sex, but if you did, they’d cease to hold any allure. Fetishes are born out of fear and discomfort, phobias and paranoia, and some have suggested that fetishes are mechanisms by which our minds cope with things we otherwise are repulsed by. I don’t know if I think that’s entirely true in all cases, but there’s truth in the suggestion that some embarrassment, some sense that you’re unlocking and introducing something strange and weird and beautiful into sex is completely part of the thrill of doing so.

— Beastly 

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