About Me


Photo by Jon Dean Photography 

I’m Beastly — known professionally as Alexander Cheves. I am a writer, editor, and copywriter in New York. My work has appeared in many publications including Out Magazine, VICEThem, Plus, and others. I am a sex columnist for The Advocate — check out my column Sexy Beast. If you’d like to see more of my work, visit my website.

Here’s the backstory on this blog. After a college breakup, my ex spread nasty rumors about me. In retaliation, I started a tell-all blog, “The Pyscho Ex-Boyfriend.” Classmates who read it pointed out that I wasn’t a psycho — I was angry. I had opinions about relationships — not just mine, but theirs. I lamented the ways my early attempts at dating had gone south, and I thought there had to be alternatives. This began my exploration of nonmonogamy, polyamory, and BDSM. Many of the original posts from that time have been removed. They were mean-spirited and unkind.

A classmate suggested replacing “psycho” with a better word. I was just beginning to explore my kinks and “beastly” — a British word for “nasty” — was a pet name from a dominant playmate. My blog became “The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend” — now shortened to “Beastly.” My boyfriend, too, started calling me “Beastly” and the name stuck.

If you’re an editor or employer, please visit my website. I am seeking opportunities and would love to speak with you. To everyone else, thank you for visiting.

Stay bad.



  1. Hi Alexander,
    I just read your article, Going Clear. I thought it was awesome! As a 53 year-old “muscle daddy” living in Los Angeles, and in a 10-year relationship that just “opened”, your description of the “addiction” rings true…painfully true. Thanks for sharing, It was really entertaining and thoughtful.
    I will be looking for your work online going forward…and for you on Scruff, eventually, hopefully! 🙂
    Rob aka MslBck


  2. How do I turn it into something ‘positive’? I just read your article on not breaching the topic on the ‘official day’… And it made me angry. I’m enraged that I can’t just deal with my diagnosis. When I’m not angry, I’m.. self destructive. Underneath it all, though.. I really just want to turn this (‘this’ being what my life has become) into something with utility. With purpose. How can I push beyond the anger and shame and depression and actually.. move on?


  3. Just read your article on Advocate and followed the link here to your blog – insightful reading. I think many of use can relate to that conversation of shame, well intentioned though it may be I think it sticks with us. I remember on diagnosis day having similar thoughts, that the prophecy had been fulfilled. A prophecy of not just family but of friends who were very blunt in their criticism of some of the choices I made back in the day when I was negative but craving attention as I turned 40. I think our collective experiences will all differ, some of us do not cope, some do, some are better for it as it becomes a catalyst for change, or just a chance to grow as people through educating others and confronting stigma and discrimination when it rears its ugly head. Thank you for taking the leap, and for sharing it with us all. I’m looking forward to sitting down and reading through what I’m sure will be enlightening and entertaining blogs.


  4. Alex, your site is indeed NSFW, but the contents are very informative & accurate. (I have taken a lot of courses on sexualities (including kinks & fetishes) in college. You have a way to describe them in an entertaining manner. I can relate more to your writing than those memorized from textbooks!
    What do you mean “gay dating’s worst nightmare”? LOL A well-informed date is irresistible!


  5. I just read your op-ed from over a year ago about the things you’ve learned from dating a bi guy. I was so relieved to read and relate to someone else in this way. I have never felt so alone with my fears and insecurities in dating a bi guy, and reading your op-ed was the closest thing I’ve had to a friend to talk to about this. Someone who’s actually lived it; because there is no one else like that in my world. And plus, I liked your voice (in the op-ed), so it was like a bonus that you’re a cool writer. Thanks for the work you do.


  6. Hi Beastly / Alexander
    I have recently discovered your writing through an article on Advocate and then signed up for your newsletter on your blog. Wonderful work and I love your writing style/voice and the topics you are tackling.
    I am a 62 yr old anonymous sex and kink daddy living in Cape Town, South Africa. And have just read in your bio that you have also lived in South Africa. Wonderful news. Do you ever come here to visit.

    Keep up the good work and wonderful sex writing.


  7. I tried sex with men infrequently and i am not afraid but i just like it i don’t really discuss or reveal it out of fear and privacy issues


      1. I want to explain is that i had sex with a guy and i like it i mean i tried having sex with a guy who is HIV undetectable and i liked it the guy told me his status after we had sex but not before


  8. So i’m interested in the gay sober fisting community as it is a ever widening sub culture within the gay sober community in general… it’s a little intimidating but i feel like i may be over reacting sometimes… i keep seeing guys with very strategically placed red-bandanas at my meetings and i get so turned on cuz all i can think about is that he’s into fisting because it’s apparent that he wants people to notice the red hanky! LOL am i just wishing or is this red-hanky really making a come back? And should i just keep my mouth shut or should i start wearing one too! LOL i’m so lost what should i do 😀 I’m new to this and very nervous


    1. Red hankies aren’t exclusive to the sober fisting community, but it’s safe to say that most people in the fisting community will recognize what a red bandana means and wear them in sexually-charged spaces (leather bars, IML, MAL, Folsom, events like that). To my knowledge there are not any visual codes or hankies used to specifically define oneself as a sober fister. Fisting as a scene is not generally associated with sobriety, in fact its popularization in pre-AIDS 70s and 80s sex culture was charioted in with heavy drug use and was considered by many to be a scene that required mind-altering substances. That doesn’t mean every fister uses — they didn’t then and they don’t now — but I don’t think any of us who are sober fisters would deny that we are in the minority when it comes to our scene. Fisting is drug-heavy. When I see red hankies outside of token gay sex spaces, I don’t assume people wearing or holding them are into fisting — unless, of course, I’m in the Castro or SoMa. If you find yourself attending a gay space where guys may be hunting for sex and you’re into fisting, wear a red bandana, and this might help you find playmates. But if you’re looking to only play sober, you will have to communicate that yourself, because red bandanas do not specifically define sober play. As far as the hanky code goes, red has survived to be perhaps the most widely recognized hanky (or flag, as some guys call this “flagging”) since many fisters still flag. Red may be followed by black (heavy S&M), grey (bondage), and yellow (piss) as the most popular colors still in use, but there are countless more colors defining specific niche sex scenes that may or may not have ever been popularly used.


  9. I’m new at the puppy play…. but have tried it and enjoyed it very much …. have a pup hood and i’m Waiting for my tail to arrive…
    I’m also in a MASTER slave Relationship with the same guy that i’m His puppy…INTERESTING AND very exciting


  10. I am not interested in this scene. I am about as vanilla as it gets, LOL. But when I read the post on Towleroad regarding your site and your work, I had to comment. I was indoctrinated into the Christian mythology from birth, and while I still am a huge admirer of what Jesus said about pretty much everything (except the god crap), I don’t believe in magical deities or that stuff. For me, what really made me question the whole thing was religion’s obsession with sex and sexuality. If I give a blowjob to a hot married guy or get fucked in the dark in a storage unit rental, how exactly does that make me a bad person? I enjoyed it, he enjoyed it, what exactly is the prob? Why would a god or gods care if I had sex with someone, anyone, everyone? I am very glad that there are people like you in this world, people who question the accepted and refuse to be diminished by those with bizarre agendas. I’m glad there are people like you who recognize that everyone is different, we all have different tastes and desires, and while I might be vanilla, other’s might be mint chocolate chip or butter pecan. All flavors are good, and sex shouldn’t be something anyone is ashamed of having. Much love, brother.


  11. I love your honesty of yourself in your recounting the past. My heart broke for you Alex when you wrote of the grief in your broken relationship. Your loss of your loved one. No matter the consequences you heroically carry on. Bravely you straddle through an HIV positive status and search fearlessly for your true, real, sexual self as a gay man. I fell in love with you. I am so glad you are writing and I am reading all I can from you. Your beauty is from inside you and I feel it.
    You make my life feel good as a gay man. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Alex,
    I loved reading your 29 things to look for in a daddy it really helped me. thanks so much i love knowing more about this and to read and tell by your words that you are a beautiful man inside and out. Reading some of your works makes me proud to be a bisexual woman.


  13. Hi beastly I wanted to share what it is like for a black 26 year old guy that has autism and is dealing with LGBT in a way that is simpler I am not afraid to share what my experiences are but I am still new to things


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